We'd all like to think that we're firecrackers in the bedroom. We want to believe that we know what we're doing and always leave our partners weak at the knees.
But, just like anything else, understanding sex and being "good" at it takes a ton of effort and practice. It's not enough to just assume that we're talented and enlightened sex-havers.
The good news is that there are sexperts out there who can help us in our quest to become generous, communicative, satisfying lovers. Sex therapists are the perfect resource for educating ourselves and gaining new insights into sex and sexuality.
We've compiled some of the best advice from sex therapists. Read on and get "bed-ucated"!
Many heterosexual couples spend the majority of their sex lives having vaginal-penile intercourse. But there's so much more to sex than just this.
If your sex life isn't feeling quite satisfying, fun, or thrilling enough, sex therapists often encourage exploration of more "outercourse" activities. Spend some time making out like middle-schoolers. Get handsy, feel each other up, have fun with fingering and hand jobs. Get mouthy with some cunnilingus and fellatio. Experiment with some anal play.
There are so many things to enjoy besides intercourse. And mixing it up will keep your sex life more thrilling and pleasurable!
Wanting to make your sex life with your partner more intimate, fulfilling, and unfiltered? Take some time to make "fantasy lists." These are often used as a way to enhance a couple's sex life in sex therapy.
Each person should privately make a list of all the fantasies they have and things they'd like to try in the bedroom. Don't filter yourself—be honest and bold with your requests. Once you've completed the lists, share them with each other and discuss which ones you'd be open to trying together.
At the end, you'll have a couple's sex bucket list!
Too often, we focus on objective ideas of "performance" and being good in the sack. Men feel pressure when it comes to their penis size, how long they last in bed, and how many times they can make their partner orgasm.
But sex is so much more complicated than this. We're all just human, and we shouldn't expect a porno performance or certain arbitrary accomplishments.
Some sex therapists advise staying away from the word and concept of "performance" altogether. Instead, focus on communication, individual pleasure, and your own unique desires as a human.
It's incredibly common for couples to have different levels of sexual desire. It's a hurdle that many (if not all) couples have to deal with at some point in the relationship.
Lots of sex therapists want us to know that this is perfectly natural and doesn't always need to be seen as a negative. It's important to remove any shame from the equation. Equally important is not putting pressure on either partner to bend to the level of desire of the other partner.
Instead, healthy, open, honest communication is the key. Sometimes, there's an underlying issue in the emotional component of the relationship. When this is the case, this barrier likely needs to be addressed before progress can be made on the sexual front.
Other times, the sexual relationship is more satisfying for one partner than for the other. Improving sexual satisfaction for both parties can be a good way to break open sexual desire and find a more balanced relationship.
Some individuals really just have fundamentally different sex drives, which can be tricky but absolutely navigable with enough trust and communication.
Many people assume that couples should only go to sex therapy when something is "wrong." But sex therapists would love for us to all know that this just isn't true.
Sex therapy can be beneficial for any person or couple. It's an incredible way to explore the complexities of sex and sexuality. It can help enhance any couple's sex life, no matter how satisfying it already is.
So, whether you're single or partnered, or have a satisfying sex life, dissatisfying sex life, or no sex life at all, it's worth considering trying out sex therapy.
Some of us are just super serious in the sack. And this seriousness is often only intensified when there are sexual challenges occurring.
Problems in the bedroom can bring up all sorts of emotions, including shame, anger, sadness, and self-consciousness. While it's important to hold space for these emotions when needed, it's also important to not always take ourselves so seriously.
Give yourself and your partner permission to be lighthearted, silly, and playful in bed. Laughter is a wonderful way to connect, get vulnerable, and more fully enjoy ourselves under the sheets.
Sex is sometimes ridiculous, sometimes embarrassing, sometimes hilarious. Embrace these joyful realities instead of ignoring them or trying to force yourself into seriousness. It's only sex, after all!
Scheduling time for sexy time might sound like the least sexy thing ever. But with crazy schedules involving work, school, hobbies, exercise, chores, friends, family, and kiddos, some of us just end up never getting around to having sex. This is totally understandable and not something that couples should feel ashamed about at all.
However, if it feels like sex is lacking in the relationship, it's a good idea to find ways of making sure sex happens.
Try scheduling certain days and times when, no matter what else is going on, you and your significant other need to get naked and get in bed. Starting off with scheduled sex times often leads to a reawakening of the sexual dynamics of the relationship—and then a schedule is no longer needs. Other times, the scheduled aspect of it is a huge help—in which case, plan away! Not a bad thing to add to the calendar each week.